Let me start by apologizing for not posting since Monday. I had a rough start to the week, but things have been looking up the past day or two. I found myself in a bad place and needed some time to sort through some feelings. I read something the other day in one of the great books that people have sent me for support. Having gone through a similar situation the author said that she had days where she was "finally strong enough to feel weak". It may sound kind of strange when you first read it, but it is exactly how I feel some days. I feel like I have to be willing to be weak and breakdown to make any progress in the healing department. I have to be strong enough to admit to others that I need time. Time to myself, time with my thoughts, time to read, time to process this whole experience of losing a child. I really think I walked around in a fog, still am in some respects, and have recently started to feel the raw pain and emotion. Even though I am "strong enough to be weak" I also have to be strong enough to wake up and determine if I am going to have a good day or be an emotional wreck all day. I have a daughter to take care of and a life that needs to be lived. I am slowly finding the balance of when to give in to the sadness and when to hold my head high and move forward.
On a more humorous note, I have officially had my first "psycho-mom" moment. The house next door to us is for sale and every time the realtor shows the house we are in high hopes that these people might be the ones that will buy it. The neighbors themselves I don't have a problem with, it is their ravenous dogs. Before I offend any dog lovers out there, let me explain. As you are well aware, I myself am a dog lover....hence the two yellow labs that have taken over our home. Our dogs are a far cry from the best trained dogs on the block, but they don't bark non-stop morning, noon and night. The "neighbor dogs" or "psycho dogs" we so affectionately call them are driving me maaaaaaaad. Every time I try to get Charlotte to sleep in her crib they start a barking episode and wake her up. A sleep deprived mom dreams, hopes and prays for the moments when the baby goes back to sleep and you better hope something doesn't get in the way. FYI - this is still going on after two rather nice notes and one not so nice note to the neighbors. Yesterday I had enough. I took my flip camera and filmed them barking their terrible barks and gnashing their terrible teeth and then sent it to the municipal court and the police department. The next step is a citation issued to them....ooops! I really didn't want to have to play hardball....but you mess with my baby, you mess with me.
I am really a nice person....I think I just need a little more sleep. Off to have a well deserved nap!
Friday, February 18, 2011
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5 comments:
Never mess with a sleep deprived Mommy! Hope you get new quiet neighbors soon.
When you have a special needs child you go through a grieving process-letting go of the dreams you had for your child and accepting that your life is not going to be the way you imagined. You have days when you do a great job of accepting and days when you don't. That is NOTHING in comparison to losing a child. I hope you know I will always be available to listen or help in any way I can, but will give you the time and space you need. Love you guys so much.
I've noticed several of your posts have had apologies in the body of the text somewhere. It's interesting to me that women (especially Southern) feel the need to apologize for their feelings. What I've learned (and I hope this helps) is that there is no right way to grieve and there is certainly no timetable. I can confirm this because almost on a daily basis, I feel my thoughts drift to "why me, why my child?". I've given myself permission to process these thoughts, and I've never apologized to myself or anyone else for feeling my feelings. I don't mean to "hijack" your blog, but I want you to know that I think very highly of you. You've done so much for my family and my child and I want you to know that everyone that has shared this blog with you, gives you permission to feel how you feel, WHENEVER you feel it....no apologies.
Love, love, love your blog....it's definitely a way of unleashing your emotions and feelings!! Little Miss Charlotte is such a beautiful little princess!! I hope that you get new neighbors asap and get some much needed and deserved sleep!! I have also found that connecting with other moms that blog and are faced with the same circumstances have helped ... Just to know that your not alone!
Thinking of you...and hope you get some sleep soon. We love you guys and can't even imagine what you are going through. I love the blog and the pictures of Miss Charlotte. Hugs to all of you. Hope to see you soon.
Finally -- I can help! LOL A very good friend of mine (HUGE animal lover - no surprise there) was also having a problem with barking dogs. They found this item AND IT WORKS! So -- Website: http://ultimatebarkcontrol.com/ds_pro.htm
Dog Silencer Pro
Good luck!
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